of time and cars

I was crunching some numbers today, and it looks like we can't afford for me to take my car to work anymore. This is somewhat difficult for me, because I have three jobs and most of them involve quite a lot of travelling around town. I've spent all morning trying to figure out how I can take the bus to all these places, and I'm getting quite discombobulated. All I really know so far is that on Mondays and Fridays, I'm finished working at 6:30 and I won't get home until about 9:00. Not exactly how I hoped to start and finish my week. I'm starting to wonder if it would be worth getting a fourth job just to be able to pay for having a car to get me around everywhere. I think it would take about as much time out of my schedule as taking the bus would, and I'd at least be getting paid for it.

thoughts I don't think enough

a friend of mine recently reminded me to "take the risk of giving thanks for the profound goodness that does in fact exist in the world". I confess that, although I have had much to be thankful for over the past month, I have had a tendency to focus on how the actions of a few others have negatively impacted me. if I take a step back and actually think about my life, I can see that I have countless things to be thankful for, but I don't usually take that step. so here goes.

I have a husband who adores me. he takes care of me and he lets me take care of him. he is far more patient that I. he watches baseball with me, and listens to me tell the same stories over and over again. he lets me see who he really is, and he sees who I am and loves me anyways. and he learned how to deal with mood swings really quickly!

a few months ago, my husband and I thought we would probably have to move before we could ever live in a space we owned. now, through some incredible circumstances, we own our own home here in Victoria. it may just be a 900 square foot condo, but it's ours, and it was only through divine intervention that we were able to get it. I don't think it's really sunk in yet (probably because we haven't actually moved in). I'm sure I'll star panicking when we get closer to moving in, but for once I'm actually looking forward to the panic. it'll be worth it.

I have a large extended family with whom I am very close. most of them live far away, and I don't call them as often as I should. I always thought it was normal to be really close to your cousins and uncles and aunts until one day I discovered that this was far from ordinary. even though we don't get together that often anymore, it's amazing to know that there's one group of people with whom you'll always fit in.

I really only have a few close friends, but it's enough. most of them live much too far away, but some are still close by. I like having people around who I can discuss life-altering issues with while playing a game of Risk: The Lord of the Rings edition.

I work at a church filled with people who care about 'the church'. it's no secret that I don't always agree with many of them politically or even theologically, but how can you not love working with people who love the church like they do? they give time they don't have, they give money they don't have, all so that the Kingdom of God is furthered. they believed that if God wanted them to have a building then He would provide one, and after many years of waiting faithfully, three acres of the most expensive real estate in Victoria was literally dropped in their laps. for all our disagreements over minor theological issues, I pray that God will make me more like them in the ways that matter the most.

thankfulness is not something that comes naturally to me. seeing the grumpy side of life is always so much easier. which is kind of ridiculous, because I honestly don't have much to be grumpy about.

suburban monasticism

when I had to get up at 2:45 in the morning to go to work I had to be in bed at, like 7:30 in order to get any sleep, so I haven't been to the Place in a few months. last night was my first week back, and it was a good week to be there. the topic was suburban monasticism, and my friend Randy asked us all if the majority of Christians in North America live their lives as functional atheists. we embrace consumerism, individualism, careerism, and a desperate need for security and want Jesus to play the monarch role to our prime minister--we like having Him around, but we wouldn't take kindly to Him actually trying to interfere in the way we do business. my question is this: what keeps us from living lives of community and generosity and hospitality? is it false teaching in our churches? (or, if not false teaching then weak teaching that doesn't challenge us.) is it personal greed, not only for money and for things but for our time? or maybe we, in the evangelical church at least, are simply fighting the wrong battles. we rage against hot button issues that we think are so obviously wrong, and then we don't see how some of the more insidious wrongs are sneaking into the back doors of our churches and our own minds. i wonder if the political issues that we wage war against aren't just the greatest game of misdirection we've ever fallen for.

boredom and busyness

how can a person be really bored and really busy all at the same time? I was running ragged all summer, trying to keep up with three jobs, and yet I was completely and totally bored. oddly enough, when I became chained to my couch thanks to my flight down the stairs, I wasn't nearly as bored as I had been when I had so much to do. I hope the jobs I have now are more interesting than the last ones.

where d'ya put the keys, girl?

it's been eight months since I've felt any inclination to write anything, and for someone who used to write every day, it's been strange. it's not as though nothing has happened in the last eight months--quite the contrary, to say the least. but the more there has been going on, the less creative I've felt. I didn't even have a new piece for the reconciliation show--I just pulled out something I did a few years back, but had never shown. what is it about stress that makes us check out? shouldn't we turn to our healthy coping mechanisms instead of waiting for boredom to numb our over-worked minds?
september is always much more of a new year than january is for me, which, perhaps, is why I'm trying to start so many new things (and start some old things over again). not that I'm planning to change my name and move to another country, but you never know, I might do something even crazier. like get a haircut.